Archives for category: The world as described in jokes

‘You can’t beat a picture like this one.’

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‘Yeah, right…’

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night… It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’

She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is it on or off?‘”

Have you stopped laughing?
Gave it a thought?

Her answer wasn’t so ‘out of tune’, was it?

‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’

For those who haven’t yet seen my point, consider this.

If you find yourself in ‘outer space’ without a breathing apparatus, would you really care about anything else?
If ‘someone’ was in ‘outer space’, inside a breathing apparatus this time, would their calls be audible outside the apparatus?
If inside a breathing apparatus, could you hear anything if the comm were out? Or ‘out of tune’ with that used by ‘someone’?

And you thought she was asking whether the vacuum ‘cleaner’ was on or off, didn’t you?!?

Isn’t this funny? In a somewhat tragic way?

An Ugandan native makes a few bucks ‘educating’ white tourists about the Coriolis effect.

what's the magic, boss

The videographer, an England born Australian, jokingly asks him “What’s the magic, boss?”

Meanwhile, another guy tries to convince us that the Coriolis effect is fake and that the Earth is flat.

coriolis fake Earth flat

What next?
When are we going to watch a Youtube video claiming the fact that all the Northern Hemisphere  tornadoes spin in the same direction while those in the Southern Hemisphere ‘do it’ in the opposite one is due to … no, I give up …

I’m going to ask you something else.

At the end of the previous post, I promised that I’ll come back on why God was so afraid that Adam and Eve might grab some fruit “from the tree of life and eat, and live forever“.

Now imagine what would have happened if humans were immortal and a guy from the ‘flat Earth community’ was in charge.

Or if Stalin lived forever.

Click the pictures above to watch the videos.

George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

 

It so happens that I’m old enough to remember the original version of this joke…

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven, they found God sitting on the great, white throne. He addressed Al first. “Al, what do you believe in?” Al replied, “Well, I believe I won the election in 2000, but it was your will that I did not serve. I’ve come to understand that now.” God thought for a second and said, “Very good. Come and sit at my left.” God then addressed Bill. “Bill, what do you believe in?” Bill replied, “I believe in forgiveness. I’ve sinned, but I’ve never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.” Again, God thought for a second and then said, “You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.” God then turned to Hillary and asked, “Hillary, what do you believe in?” She replied, “I believe you’re sitting in my chair.

Old enough to remember the political jokes Romanians shared among themselves before Ceausescu, the communist dictator, was toppled during a bloody uprising…

Can’t stop wondering about why so many people continue to make the same mistakes all over the planet…
And how come ordinary people’s initial reaction to arrogance always consists in jokes being thrown at the guy who proudly wears that arrogance!

What would you prefer?

Long and thin or short and thick?

How about long AND thick?
How about REASONABLY long and thick?
Who cares about how long or thick it is IF it stays stiff for long enough?

I’ve recently spent a few days in the Danube Delta.DSC_1146egreta mareWhen traveling on water, I was issued a ‘life-jacket’ – no picture, you all know what one looks like.

At one point, I was joking with the guide.

‘Harnessed like this, no one can do anything but wait to be rescued. It’s impossible to swim wearing such a thing.’
‘Ha!.
You thought this was meant to save your life, didn’t you?
Well, in reality its role is to keep your corpse afloat so that those looking for you wouldn’t have to dredge the river.’

I remembered the joke while reading this article.

“Apple doesn’t purposely make its terms and conditions long and boring and difficult to read. In theory it could shorten them, or summarise them, or pull out a few bullet points at the beginning to let you know if something has changed since you were last confronted with them. But if it was to do so someone could argue in court that insufficient emphasis was placed on something buried further down in the document. And Apple doesn’t want that to happen.”

“A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.” “

Remember that these two are described as being a couple! Going somewhere together…

And not an out of the ordinary one, judging by what happens around us.

OK, I can understand differences of opinion between people – how ever close their relationship. What I cannot understand is this ‘need’ to aggravate things. To make the other one feel just as bad as ‘I’ do.

Why cannot we focus on the really important issues?

Like in this instance:

“A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid. “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, son?” he asked. “That’s nothing,” the kid said after taking a swig of beer. “I got laid when I was three.” “What? How did that happen?” “I don’t remember. I was drunk.” “

Just stumbled upon this joke:

One day, all the human body parts started arguing about who was on top… The mouth said, ”I should be on top because, without me, you wouldn’t be able to eat.” Then the stomach said, ”Ya but if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be able to digest and transfer all the minerals and vitamins throughout the body, I should be on top.” Then the heart said, ”I should be on top because I’m the one who takes the blood from point A to point B. Without me, the body would die.” Then the brain said, ” Well, without me, you wouldn’t be able to move, eat, digest or allow circulation of blood, so I should be on top.” Now, the asshole was beginning to get annoyed, ”You know, I should be on top because I can just shut my hole and then shit will accumulate and block the digestive track and screw all of you up.” It was chaos, everyone was yelling and fighting. Finally, the asshole got fed up, ”That’s it, I’m fed up, I’m shutting up my hole.”

So for a few days, the body couldn’t shit and the brain had trouble moving, the stomach digesting, the mouth eating and the blood flow going, everyone was begging the asshole to open up, The brain said, ”Please open up, you made your point, your on top, just open up.” The asshole smiled, ”So everyone agrees that I’m on top?” ”YES” everyone shouted. ”OK!” so the asshole opened up and the body could shit again. The moral of this story is, you have to be an asshole to be on top…“

Isn’t this interesting?

A bunch of guys are too thick to understand that they cannot live one without the others and to learn what mutual respect really means, one of them decides to teach the group a well deserved lesson and it is he who ends up being considered an ass-hole…

On the other hand… there are so many examples of ass-holes who end up ‘on top’ simply because they are the ones willing to do anything in order to get there – not caring at all if their actions hurt everybody else who happens to be around… AND because those who end up being hurt don’t see it coming or are too lazy, too thick or both at the same time, to do anything about it…

ohms-law-illustrated

 

… unless ‘offered’ with a pointed toe cap!

 

pantof-ascutit

 

 

I hear a lot of people discussing about the need to choose ‘the lesser evil’.

Otherwise the ‘greater evil will prevail’ they warn us.

I’m afraid that those who fall into this trap actually validate the idea that ‘evil is acceptable’.
Every time this subject comes up I keep remembering the joke about an older man asking a young lady:
‘Would you sleep with me if I gave you a million bucks?’.
‘Well, I’m not that kind of girl… but you know, that’s an awful lot of money… I could help my old parents… I could go back to school… OK…”
‘But what if I gave you $100?’
‘I told you I’m not a hooker!’
‘That’s already been settled. All that’s left for us to do now is to negotiate the price.’
Same thing with ‘choosing the lesser evil’. Once you’ve  accepted that evil is inevitable … you’re sure to get some. And keep getting it until you quit playing their game.
That doesn’t mean we schould quit voting all together. It would send the wrong message. Even if you don’t go to the voting booth because you are disgusted by the available options the ‘analysts’ interpret your stance as ‘they’re so despondent that they don’t care anymore about their own fate. They they don’t have enough energy left in them to protest so no need to change anything. Or, maybe, things might be allowed to become even a little worse. For them, of course.’
What we need to do is vote what we really like, even if that candidate doesn’t stand the slightest chance. This way the intention of the voter is absolutely clear – ‘I want exactly this’.
If there is no acceptable option, we can always check the ‘non of the above’ box – if available – or take the necessary steps to annul your vote – the specifics depend on local rules and regulations. Again, this sends a rather clear message. ‘I refuse to play into your hands and accept that evil is inevitable’.
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